Shunning

I came across an article entitled Shunning In the Church by Deborah Brunt about two days ago, and I have been battling triggering thoughts and emotions ever since. My family's experience with spiritual abuse culminated with shunning as we left the church. Likely a damage control effort, it was definitely a crazy-making, Twilight Zone-like experience. Although I don't think that the pastor boldly announced from the pulpit that we were to be avoided at all costs, he and his family definitely modeled it, and I'm sure their example made his expectations known in more subtle ways. Spiritual abuse almost always involves subtle attacks, and that is part of the disorienting cycle of it. 

I knew from the beginning, though, that the action (or non-action) was deliberate. I even used the word shunning to describe our experience from the beginning, although I had never been shunned before and I didn't completely understand it. One example (among many) happened when my daughter reached out to a "friend" from our former church and asked to get together with her, only to be told point blank that she would be too worried for the pastor's family to find out that she had done so. Fear is a likely  mechanism used to get people in the group to stay away from the ones being targeted. People in spiritually abusive systems inherently know that they have to behave in certain ways in order to maintain acceptance, and they don't often risk rocking the boat.

 It's interesting that the people and groups who tend to do this usually don't use the word shunning, yet the people who are being shunned most certainly know what is happening. And to sum up exactly what is happening with this tactic: Shunning is designed to create outcasts. 

Have you ever experienced shunning by members of a church or religious group? I hope you will read Deborah's article (link below) to gain more insight. She captures the experience vividly through her writing.

Here is a short excerpt from Deborah Brunt's article:

Shunning creates exiles, in more ways than one.

Exile can happen while you’re still physically attached to a group.  You still participate, but you’re acutely aware: you’re an outsider now.

Exile can result in your physically removing yourself, or being physically pushed out. If so, the shunners will continue to make damage control their highest priority – closing ranks to hide the evidence of their wrongdoing, while spreading innuendos and false accusations about you.

You’re aware – and yet the fog created by the non-act of shunning is so strong that it totally disorients you. In that fog, it’s almost impossible to breathe. Your thoughts and feelings ricochet:

People who were my friends yesterday treat me like a leper today. I’m being frozen out. But can that be true? And why? For speaking up about a wrong? For doing something courageous and right? Could this many Christians choose to act this badly? Surely not. Did I do it all wrong? Surely they just don’t understand.

In the fog that now swirls around the entire group, pretty much everyone you’ve cared about may believe you’re the villain. Your efforts to convince them that you’re not will only make them more sure you are.

-Deborah Brunt, keytruths.com

Read the entire article here